Extra Time

I have some free time to think about my future and also about the present moment. I think that I will apply for school at U-Vic for September. I have a month to figure out the program and figure out if it will work out for me or not, as in whether I will need to do a term at a feeder school like Camosun. If I do, I hope that I end up at the Camosun that is close to town. It's beautiful there. Old buildings and old trees. after October I don't know where I'll be living, downtown with Tanille still or closer to Uvic if that's where I end up going. It does seem like a good time to go back to school though. En plus, dad told me that school could pretty much be paid for which is pretty rad! Money really does help one to get ahead in this culture, in life. It's so sad to say, and to admit. It really does make me sad. But, I think that realizing this and accepting it has made me into a more realistic thinker. If I want to have everything that I do, and if I want my children to have everything that I've had I need to get an education or some form of steady way to make money. If I were a guide and I got injured I wouldn't have any other skills to back me up. I think that school will help me to feel and be more secure in life. WHich has never been something that I've wanted out of life...security. It's so unromantic. So boring. But this, I now see is actually what I want. I still want to explore and be adventurous. I still don't want to spend copious amounts of money on randomn items that I don't need, but having that money there will uplift my spirit if I amliving in a city or society outside of the forest. I don't want to feel limited or crushed, heavy by poverty. It really can crush your soul. I want too much to be poor. I want to travel, to experience different music and food, wear new clothes once in a while, go sailing...

I do not want to feel guilty about this greedy way of thinking about life. But, I'll do what I have to to keep myself stimulated and interested in life. Whatever it takes is what I'll do because I'm worth that much.